"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."
"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"