"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."
"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."