What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce... - Mark Twain

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"

"A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."