#Dating

"Me and her, we’re both hiding who we really are. This is a common practice. It’s called dating."

"Never let your fear of the unknown and things being too difficult make your choices for you in life. One of the saddest lessons in life is finding out that your fear made the situation worse than what it was and a braver person stole the dream you gave up on."

"A squeegee is a sponge on a stick, and if there is a tangible item that’s more romantic, I don’t know what it is. Never go on a first date without one."

"I don't understand dating.. and the other things that people do.. all I know is that you ought to find the one you recognize. The one who gives you four arms, four legs, four eyes, and has the other half of your heart. There's only one of those, so what are all the other things for? Like dating?"

"She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under."

"Often romantic relationships fail because you are trying to get someone to fall in love with the YOU that you never discovered."

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."

"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."

"There’s nothing like that feeling of waiting for a guy. It’s the loneliest feeling in the world. Holding that cell phone in your hand as you take out the trash, use the bathroom, change the litter box. Fearful that the one second you aren’t looking will be when they call. Pathetic. And something I have done as recently as last week."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same."

"I believe with all my heart that the cliches are true, that we are our own best friends and best company, and that if you're not right for yourself, it's impossible to be right for anyone."

"To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person's opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God."

"Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love."

"Be a bit of a challenge; not because you're playing games but because you realize you're worth the extra effort."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"You know a relationship has deteriorated past the point of salvage when one person detests another's gestures."

"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."

"Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)"