You know that look that women get when they want to have sex... - Steve Martin

"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic."

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes."

"Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything."

"Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way."