You know what I like most about people? Pets. - Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

"I am the red wheelbarrow of communism. William Carlos Williams wrote a poem about me."

"Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart."

"I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs."

"I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone."

"The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot."