#masters

"Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best... ...artery clogger since Burger King’s Triple Whopper with Cheese."

"Lady Gaga Haiku A cow has a big head, deep voice, a long tongue, butLady Gaga he's not."

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"Beloved Poetry [10w] Write poetry like it’ll convince your beloved who to marry."

"American Foreign Policy [10w] Foreign Policy requires dealing from the bottom of the deck."

"Lady Clowns [10w] Lady clowns drip menstrual blood in seven luscious rainbow colors."

"Lonely Marriage is the best refuge of the lonely to be lonely together,and if it lasts long enough,take turns being lonely."

"Be Careful What You Wish For More often than not,a dream come true is a nightmare-in-the-making."

"Charity [10w] Contentment over your life is the best aphrodisiac for charity."

"Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."

"Remorse among Thieves When a caught thief shows remorse he says to himself,"I knew I should pull off that heist differently."

"Dull Poetry Dulls the Mind [10w] Poetry penetrates dullness when whetted on the stone of imagination."

"Animal Species Identity [10w] Funny how animals know their own species without a mirror."

"A Poem Must Have an Accomplice If you cannot bamboozle the reader into becoming a willing accomplice to your artifice and collusion the poem won't fly."

"Southern Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Sure nuff, I'm happier than a cat on a formerly hot tin roofwhich now usesNXT Cool Zone® heat reflecting roof coating ~but I'm still ornier than a mule on loco weedand a whole lot hornier than a two-dicked billy goat.You gots any coatin' for dat?"

"Spineless "How do you know which invertebrate lacks resolution if they're all spineless?"

"First Day at Harvard [10w] Smartest kid in the roomwalks into room of competitors."

"Home Never give up a home for a house;you may never find a home again."

"Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?"