#personal-development

"FBI vs. CIA When a person works for the FBI for 20 years and retires,he gets a watch.When a person works for the CIA for 20 years and retires,he gets watched.I know this not because I'm in law enforcement or with the NSA ~I know this because I have HBO."

"Hemidemisemiquaver [10w] The composer evened the score by ending in a hemidemisemiquaver."

"Every Small Child is a Miracle [10w] The God of small children is the one true God."

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."

"Grandma's Advice on Ambition "Children, if you aim for the stars you'll be impaled by small meteorites and become toast."

"Scientology [10w] There's nothing more oppressive than the ignorance of foolish belief."

"Concatenate /kənˈkætəneɪt/to link together, as in a chain Do you concatenate cats by tying their tails together or do you just stuff the tail of one into the mouth of the other?Which method is better for yanking your chain?"

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."

"One Philosophical Question, Two Faces [10w] 'Is life wort living?' is tantamount to'Does God exist?"

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"Boasting vs. Toasting [10w] + {Couplet} What many call boasting to my success I call toasting."

"Recollection [10w] Recollection recategorize memoriesby sorting them out into different collections."

"Trickeries, Sophistries and Traps [10w] Life's great irony is that we, the trapped,set traps."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."

"Let's Face It [10w] If you've peed on enough fire hydrants, you're a dog."

"Inspiration vs. Plagiarism [10w] Inspiration is improving on another's idea;plagiarism is copy/paste piracy."

"Shit Poetry [10w] Poetry without grace of expression is just so much shit."

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"Idiots vs. Fools [10w] Idiots listen to other's bullshit;fools listen to their own."

"Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?"