#personal-growth

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"Love Haiku Sumerian whoregrabs my wedge, says: 'I love aman in cuneiform."

"Office Depot: Taking Care of Business... ...with short breaks, bad management and no job advancement opportunities."

"Laughter and The Chosen [10w] Making people laugh is God's gift to the Chosen People."

"Shakespeare vs. Keynesian Economics {Couplet} If 'Neither a lender nor a borrower be',investments would dry up, economies stagnate,and off to the poorhouse go you and me."

"Regret vs. Good Times "If I had to regret the good times I spent with every lover who eventually disillusioned me,my love life would be reduced to ten seconds."

"Perdue: It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken... ...it's all about steroids and crowd management."

"Reckless vs. Diet [10w] I live too recklessly to worry about low carb diets."

"The Squeaky Wheel The squeaky wheel ~will put you $374.43 in the holeafter replacing the brake pad, rotorsand $500 with a new master cylinder."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Depression Busy people have neither the time nor the swimming skills to take a divein a pool of depression."

"The Albanian Art of Subtle Seduction [10w] "You have an amazing mind now show me your tits."

"A Poem Should Be Motionless A poem should be motionlessin its eternal truthsand animated to inspire latent words into action."

"Ruminating Poetry A poem should be eaten in one sittingbut regurgitated often like a ruminant's food."

"Hung [10w] Being caught with your pants down is a hanging offense."

"Unless you're a lesbian... [10w] Feminism is not a sustainable position without giving up love."

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Fig The proud oak wed a seedling figHe welcomed her caressThough round his lofty limbs she woundHe saw no need for distress.The fig enveloped all his trunkHer grip grew firm and tightThe oak withered in his arroganceAs she choked off his last light."

"Mind's Eye What vain man is not a hero in his mind's eye;What egoist not the protagonist upon which the world revolves?"

"Publisher's Persuasion "You're much too good a writer to want a six figure advance. You don't want your readers to think you're only writing for money ~ do you?"