#personal-growth

"Closets Opening and Closing [10w] + [10w] You can take sweet gay men out of the closet;you can't take the closet out of the master-bedroom suite."

"Great Poets [10w] Great poets can milk blood and tears from a stone."

"Illinois State Motto State sovereignty, national union.Life begins and ends with corruption."

"Legacy To leave a legacy,you first gotta leave your leg in the door."

"Origami Master If you're the greatest origami master in the worldmaybe I can find you a job folding napkins at a restaurant.I'm not making any promises."

"No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains."

"Western Hypocricy I laugh at the hypocrisy of this western world that only expects the Muslims and Jews to act more Christian, while they continueto revel in the carnage of their heathen ways."

"Deaf [10w] No man suffers deafness if he listens with his eyes."

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."

"Perdue: It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken... ...it's all about steroids and crowd management."

"Mongolian, Temeenii'malgai The small fuzzy hat worn by camels that cross the Gobi desert. Usually stolen by natives of Ulaanbaatar for the groom's hat at weddings. The fuzz on the hat smells so bad that the groom is temporarily blinded and can't see how ugly the bride looks until it's too late."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Dull Poetry Dulls the Mind [10w] Poetry penetrates dullness when whetted on the stone of imagination."

"Children Learn to Love and Hate A child understands love by three months and hate by three years.How the child processes that understandingwill shape his character for the next seventy."

"Autumn Ikebana [10w] + {Haiku} Earthen rainbows raked by Autumn's Ikebana of wind arranging leaves.or:Earthen rainbows raked by Autumn's Ikebana of wind arranging leaves."

"Sunshine On My Shoulders When you're home's always filled with sunshine,you're either blessed or it's time to fix the roof."

"Time is Not a Constant [10w] Time speeds up, crawls, compresses and expands depending on mood."

"Accurs'd McDonalds, I Bite my Thumb at Thee! {Couplet} Let vex'd heavens rant and rage,This here McNigga slave ain't workin' for no McMinimum wage."

"Herpes [10w] Only greatness and genital herpes are conspicuous by their absence."

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. [10w] + {Couplet} Network TV's insistent stupidity to the Outer Limits pushes me."