#phone

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more."

"Yesterday I saved a baby, a boy, a man, and an old man from death, and all by simply not impregnating anybody. But I don't consider myself a hero. Merely heroic, and also unable to reach any of my lady friends on the phone."

"Tunapenda kuamini kwa sababu kuamini hurahisisha mambo… Usiamini. Jua."