#powerful-story

"How to Save the World [10w] When true love floods in, it could float an ark."

"Past is Past [10w] Lovers should clearly avoid obsessing about each other's romantic past."

"Scientifically Proven [10w] Mariah Carey has a brain the size of a walnut."

"Unfriend Politeley Means"

"Grass in a Sidewalk Crack Grass sprounting miraculously in a sidewalk crack is a metaphor forlousy maintenance."

"Poetry is a Ladder {C☰O☰U☰P☰L☰E☰T} {The poet's job is to create a ladder} {for the reader to enter his imagination}and☰once☰they've☰climbed☰u­p☰to☰the ☰top☰remove☰each☰rung☰by☰grad­ation"

"Rainbows and Gratuitous Violence Whenever I see a rainbow, I want to punch a penguin in the face."

"Words of Wisdom [10w] Words of wisdom worth saying wouldfit on a T-shirt.@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@:::::@­:::::"

"Unruffled [10w] Nothing’s calmer than an unruffled duck eating a cool cucumber."

"A Real Passionate Kiss Should Feel Like Dying [10w] Like ice melting into water coming to a rolling boil."

"Rationalize [10w] Man needs an apt aphorism to rationalize his ruthless actions."

"Old People [10w] At the mere mention of death they gasp for breath."

"Teenagers [10w] Teenagers are the lone survivors of a ruthless hormonal holocaust."

"Fabulous Creatures and Trust Issues [10w] Never trust a sheep in wolf’s clothing despite the unicorn."

"When Old Age Begins Old age seizes center stagewhen more people we love are amidst the deadthan amongst the living."

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Free Lunch There's no such thing as a free lunch ~for people who haven't yet learned to beat the system ;)"

"Fugly Fishmates For every woman that looks like a hatchet-faced haddockthere's an equally ugly flounder-faced man with even fewer prospects."