#sacred-wisdom

"Ferdinand VII of Spain {Couplet} He who can false loyalty feignshall sit twice upon the throne of Spain."

"Where the Fuck is Waldo Even whens I finds Waldothat crackhead nigga won't cough up the five dollars he owes me."

"Legacy To leave a legacy,you first gotta leave your leg in the door."

"Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe."

"Don’t Let the Dead Fish Fool You [10w] Even the eyes of a dead fish can reflect light."

"Seafood My body's just a shell,the world is my oyster ~and I'm getting a whale of appetiteright now for some delicious seafood ."

"Eyes of Heaven To see through the eyes of heavenis to look upon your fellow manand only see the good in him."

"Witticisms The greatest reward for coming up with some witty turn of phraseis that some day, if you're lucky,it may wind up in a fortune cookieat the very Chinese restaurant you're eating in!But if you get a big head about it,know it wasn't the flattery,it was the MSG."

"Advice for Women at Starbucks If a vanilla latte and banana nut muffin doesn't solve the problem,perhaps you're going at it wrong."

"Getting Real about the Eel It's not that eel wants to avoid commitment.From the eel's point of view, it is a matter of survival.Who the fuck wants to be with an eel anyway,when there are plenty of less slippery fish."

"9/11 Haiku: Rudy Giuliani, Mayor of New York "Now you boxcutter, Iraqi Pete, camel fuckersreally pissed me off!"

"Lost & Found of Love We cannot forfeit what was not truly ours to begin with.You can only lose yourself in the heartbreak of love lostand find yourself againinthe miracle of love regained."

"Love vs. Mental Illness [10w] Love, like mental illness, comes on graduallyand then suddenly."

"Good and Evil To have good and evil the Devil must always remain a step beyond saving."

"Sex Kitchens of the Future [10w] Her entire kitchen was made of silicone ~ including her breasts."

"The AP Stylebook is Useless {Couplet} I can't abbreviate abbreviation nor know how to initialize an acronym,I can find the contraction for contraction nor the précis for a homonym."

"Love Scars Love leaves more scars than a ten car pile-up ~and nobody's got insurance."

"Show Up [10w] I've waited for you all my life ~show up already!"

"Life Imprisonment with No Possibility of Parole [10w] "The needle is preferable to three hots and a cot."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."