#sacred

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Poetry Calling [10w] Poetry's not a calling.It's a whispering in your ear."

"Want vs. What's Coming to You As the Rolling Stones say,You can't always get what you want ~but God will always give you what's coming to you."

"Bridges [10w] Bridges are overpasses for commuters and roofs for the homeless."

"Death & Poetry Nothing softens the blow of death like a cushy poem to fall upon."

"Goat Fucking for Dummies You gently fuck a female goat ~you got to ram the malesto make any progress."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"How to End Racism [10w] The children of interracial marriages should look like panda bears."

"The Phenomenon of Life {Couplet} The potter's some man of clay who's molding clay,a robot making an automaton;Every day we recreate ourselves from what bricks we're made,how wondrous life's phenomenon!"

"Mint Julep {Couplet} I've had more than a hint of a tulip or two,after treating them to a mint julep, or two."

"Two Dust Storms or A Nice Pair of Haboobs A palm tree passes through a sandstorm, shakingoff the dusty rain like a wet dogon the less fortunate wayfarersburied in the sand."

"The Great Blue of the Great Blue A Great Blue whale mourns her hunted mate.Her heart, once the size of an SUV,lonely rides the empty sea,her heart's now withered to subcompact class,her whys and wherefores, run out of gas."

"Say This to Her/Him and Just See What Happens... *I want to kiss you in places I've never kissed you before."

"Love Scars Love leaves more scars than a ten car pile-up ~and nobody's got insurance."

"Overheard at Ashtanga Yoga Class *"I don't know my he left me. I even had a rabbit's food hanging from my dreamcatcher.""Maybe you should've used a little more suction and a few less amulets."

"Alone [10w] Alone in bed because of three wordsI hadn't said."

"Mythbusters [10w] Snipers will assure you safety in numbers is a myth."

"Obscenity [10w] Obscenity's undefinable becauseeverything that occurs in nature is natural."

"My Sweet Home, Alabama If it grows, it sticks, if it crawls, it bites,if it's outside, it rusts,if it's ornery, it fights,if it's a dawg, it barks.if its a possum, it feignsif it's a buggy, it squeals,if it's winter, it's summer,If it's slimy, it's eels.If it ain't Dixie, it won't do,so let's fix to get piss drunkand lynch us another nigger and Jew."