#self-improvement

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"Travel [10w] The difference between a traveler and vacationer is one arrives."

"Preachiness vs. Prose vs. Poetry A poem that says what it means is prose;if it means what it says it's a sermon.Leave the homiletics for the priestsprose for the journalistsand soulful resonancefor the poets."

"Small Packages [10w] Great things come in small packages from a geological perspective."

"What Children See [10w] "A spider is an octopus who lives in the desert."

"We tend to think of future inventions and discoveries, but in reality, these things already exist in the knowledge bank of the universe."

"Leaping lemmings! Leaping lemmings!I so adore ya'Can't get enoughJust want more’o'ya'!When I've had my fill'o'ya',I long for anotherRefill'o'ya.So, let's cut my spiel And here's the deal:I'm just gonna' haveta' cloneya'!So, when we're doneJust having fun --I'm just gonna' haveta' boneya'Again."

"Dressed to Kill [10w] At fashionable parties,vegetarians should not be dressed to kill."

"Galoshes Haiku Cherry blossoms bloomin the morning mist.Thank God I took my galoshes."

"The Warrior's Way To the warrior,peace is an annoying interruption of war."

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Keep Your Day Job Bitch [10w] + {Couplet} If you've guessed that I'm blessed,augury ain't your strawberry."

"Fig The proud oak wed a seedling figHe welcomed her caressThough round his lofty limbs she woundHe saw no need for distress.The fig enveloped all his trunkHer grip grew firm and tightThe oak withered in his arroganceAs she choked off his last light."

"Always have an air of expectancy."

"Styx Haiku Boatman refusesto paddle me down the Styx.'No carry-on baggage."

"Alaska State Motto North to the Future.We got highest rape and STD-rate in the nation."

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."

"Acknowledgement is possession. When you acknowledge, think or have conviction in something, it actually will come true."

"Seeing vs. Envision {Couplet} We see nothing more than we bring to it;heavenly orchards lie in an apple's pit!"