#self-improvement

"Breathe inhale.exhalerepeatThat should solve 90% of your problems.For the other 10% ask your local Rabbi."

"The mind is just like a muscle - the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets and the more it can expand."

"Great Poets [10w] Great poets can milk blood and tears from a stone."

"Dangerous Food [10w] The world's most fattening foods are the ones you swallow."

"What Teenage Boys Do On Their Computer All Day [10w] ctrl alt delete ex-girlfriendcut paste Penelope Cruzpost Facebook"

"Cumin vs. Acumen Cumin is a powerful spice with a nutty peppery flavor;Acumen is more about having the good taste to knowhow and when to use it."

"Depression Busy people have neither the time nor the swimming skills to take a divein a pool of depression."

"Each person has got a voice inside them. Communicate with it and take hold of it. Do not let it push and shove you around – you are its master!"

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Your own dreams stand alone, longing to be fulfilled, and you wonder if it will ever happen. You must have faith. Just as the bus was a little late, so too can fulfilment of your desires come a bit late."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."

"Gifts Never look a gift horse in the assor a donkey in the mouth."

"Hung [10w] Being caught with your pants down is a hanging offense."

"Poetry Trek: 'To Boldly Go Where No man Has Gone Before' A poet must get into spaceship every dayand launch himself into metaphorical space."

"Russian, Umerzhurnalistka Someone who too many questions for his own good. Literally, 'Dead journalist'."

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Wrong Number [10w] There is no such thing as dialing a wrong number."

"Lotto If I won a million bucks in Lotto,I'd give it to Charity.Charity gives great head."

"Knowing that the brain is predisposed to religion and spirituality, then might it be that God is a creation of the brain?"

"Russian, Metafizicheskiy-poshlost This is the humorous metaphysical banality like watching Tolstoy's wife, Sophia, nag her husband about leaving borscht stains on the table linen. The resulting discombobulation totally messed up the ending of Anna Karenina."