#simon-lewis

"Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon.""You noticed,"said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual,"added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents,"said Alec."

"Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know."

"That's why when major badasses greet each other in movies, they don't say anything, they just nod. The nod means, 'I' am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass,' but they don't say anything because they're Wolverine and Magneto and it would mess up their vibe to explain."

"Watching Jace hug Isabelle, she tried to school her features into a happy and loving expression."Are you all right?"Simon asked, with some concern. "Your eyes are crossing."

"Basia coquum,"Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is.""It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy,"said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook.""Dammit,"said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me."

"No. That's Clary; shes's my best friend."Simon pocketed his phone. "And she has a boyfriend. Like, really, really, really has a boyfriend. The nuclear bomb of boyfriends. Trust me on this one."

"Come on guys, you cant fight like this forever""Actually,"Simon said, raising his hand,"I can".Jace made a weird noise and I realized he was trying not to laugh-which by the way, wasn't working."

"Simon!"Clary shouted, and seized his arm. "What?"Simon looked alarmed."I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age."

"Jesus!"Luke exclaimed."Actually, it's just me,"said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling."

"Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?Jace: I was following you.Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me?"

"Well, I’m not kissing the mundane,"said Jace. "I’d rather stay down here and rot.""Forever?"said Simon. "Forever’s an awfully long time."Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it,"he said. "You want to kiss me, don’t you?"

"Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?""I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox."

"Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor, and he smells like windex.""At least you know he's still available."

"I've got the Mark of Cain,"said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?""You can kill yourself,"Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't.""There goes my Saturday."

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?"asked Jace."It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.""As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome,"said Simon."I knew we should have left you a rat."

"Look on the bright side,"said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway."

"We?"Simon looked at him in disbelief. "Are you ever going home?""What, bored with my company already?" "Let me ask you something,"Simon said. "Do you find me fascinating to be around?""What was that?"Jace said. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep for a moment. Do, continue with whatever mesmerizing thing you were saying."