#soul-searching

"A Frog in my Throat I had me frog in my throat.I swallowed hard and it croaked.Tasted like shit.Next time I get me a frog in my throat,my snooty French boyfriend better wash his dick with soap."

"Time Time waits for no man ~but for hot women Time makes exceptions."

"Please Don't Commemorate Me Just Yet [10w] The living are only commemorated when they're at death's door."

"Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow."

"Kill Buddha's Hairdresser [10w] I'd like to meet Buddha's hairdresser and shoot the prick."

"Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure."

"Toasts During the hymeneal repast,The guest stood silent as toasts were cast.The Best Man bore witness to a dozen years pastThe Bridesmaid joked about a relationship that wouldn’t lastThe groom listened and held the hand of the brideKnowing his real toast was buttered on the other side."

"Sixty is the New Fifty The good news is sixty is the new fifty.The bad news is twenty is the new ten."

"Metamorphosis [10w] Change. Become the butterfly.Don't stay a caterpillar with wings."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."

"The Phenomenon of Life {Couplet} The potter's some man of clay who's molding clay,a robot making an automaton;Every day we recreate ourselves from what bricks we're made,how wondrous life's phenomenon!"

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Love's a Sacred Vessel [10w] Love's the sacred vessel embracing the mystical energy of evolution."

"The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole."

"Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right."

"Love [10w] Love is a time machineset to your perfect present"

"How they Measure Self-Worth in Fort Worth: Actual Texas Hooker Quote (the irony is priceless!) "Quit fucking acting like y'alls have me all figured outand don't you ever, EVER, lump me into the category of your trashy hooker girlfriend who charges $100/hr. for full service. Shit, I charge $200 minimum now ~because after the year of being at the bottom I know my self worth."

"Mood Swings 'ᏰέƦẙḽԃṏሁ's the most "unappreciated"poet on this site.Being "misunderstood"is what gets him into a fight.Now that I'm retired and free,He's the new "King"of HP ~Now I hate that Jew because he's better and right."

"Rice-a-Roni: The San Francisco treat... ...the other treat, of course, being anal penetration."

"Relationships Deconstrcted [10w] Qualities we at first perceive as endearingsoon becomes annoying."