Beryl Dov

"Self-Help I asked the bookseller,'Do you have any self-help books for addiction?'He said,'If I tell you, I'd be enabling you."

"God May Grant Your Wishes Daily [10w] Pray for sunshine at night and moonbeams when you wake."

"Revenge [10w] Revenge is a long game;all you need is time."

"The Machismo Motto [10w] "When we are not hard as nails we get screwed."

"Psychotherapy [10w] If you can second guess a psychotherapist,they’re totally useless."

"Overheard at McDonalds "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.Are you going to finish those fries?"

"Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative."

"Area 51 [20w] If aliens were truly looking for intelligent life on earth,what the fuck were they thinking going to New Mexico?"

"My Fathers Last Words My dad was a sadist and whorehound.His last words were,'Son, I have a million dollars hidden in the."

"Detonation vs. Pre-Ignition [10w] Poets have thin skins;physicists call this differential burn rates."

"Witchcraft vs. Wordcraft [10w] Covens of witches convened at their annual unconventional Coven’s Convention."

"Origami Master If you're the greatest origami master in the worldmaybe I can find you a job folding napkins at a restaurant.I'm not making any promises."

"Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right."

"One Size Fits All Life Strategy Smile first.Ask questions later."

"Bagels and Lox Life's an everything bagel;love is a schmear of scallion cream cheese;and lox, no matter how you cut it,is resistant to dumbass metaphors."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Switch Hitter [10w] Aphorisms are penned in my left brain,poetry, my right."

"9/11 Haiku: Rudy Giuliani, Mayor of New York "Now you boxcutter, Iraqi Pete, camel fuckersreally pissed me off!"

"Memory Foam [10w] She had an ass like an elephants memoryfoam pillow."

"If I Were God [10w] If I were God I'd sell my shit on Ebay."