More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you’re going to hang around and watch me write, you might as well have a noose around your neck. Would you mind if I kicked the chair out from under your feet? You’re standing on my only place to sit."
"My currency is kindness, and while there are no ATMs that dispense it, it’s also not accepted or recognized at strip clubs."
"Flower petals in the breeze look like a butterfly flapping its wings. My love for you takes flight like a white orchid blushing pink."
"You wash the horse, and I’ll wash the horse trainer. Then we’ll wash the dishes while we gallop into the sunset like two dirty lovers."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."