"I peddle my wares as fast as I pedal my bicycle and petal my flowers, and that’s why my sales growth seems so slow. But given time, my brand will be in full bloom."
"I love deeply. I love long. I love wide and high. That's right, my love is interdimensional, and my vortex will heal your body and soul."
"I curse in cursive. It's hard to read and harder take. But if you take it black, like coffee, then at least it may wake you up to the realities of life."
"I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one."
"If what you wear says more about who you are then what you say when you speak, then my advice is to keep quiet and wear loud clothing."
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."