"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."
"Poor is the man who thinks money makes him wealthy. Love is the true treasure, and the more you give away, the more you have."
"You used to love me. Let me help jog your memory by buying you some running shoes. The shoes will be wooden, and nailed to the floor."
"On a scale of 1 to extroverted, I’m a 3.14159. So is pi. I network like “the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter.” Thanks, Wikipedia!"
"If there’s gold in it, then the mine is mine. And if there’s no coffee in it, then the cup is yours."
"I find Bukowski to be so edgy, gritty, and daring that he oozes romance, and if couples read him in bed they would appreciate what they have."