"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"Behold, the number five is at hand. Grab it and shake and harness the power of networking."
"If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now."
"Treasure isn’t always gold, silver, and gems. Sometimes it’s furry and purring. Happy Cuddle-with-your-cat Day!"
"Hotel hallways should have conveyer belts for floors, so I can feel like a grocery item on vacation. I guess I’m just a romantic."
"If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs)."