#salesman

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."

"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."

"A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors."

"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."

"The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love."

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."

"Take some cues from some Q’s. Quality and quantity lead to queues."

"Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable."

"If you see me pushing a wheelbarrow full of animal balloons up a hill, it may be a Zen koan, or it may be buy two get a third for FREE."

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."

"I have a lot of love to give, because free samples are the best way to encourage sales."

"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."

"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."

"77 degrees in the fall feels cold, and 77 degrees in the spring feels hot. That’s why I’m selling year-round-nudity for half-price."

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"Personal branding is sales, because you’re selling an image of yourself, a mirage, and you are the product."