#sales

"I'm going to sell Flash Bang Wow Fuzz (not a drill) in a bottle, but I’m not sure how to market it. Maybe as a drinkable alternative to love."

"Personal branding is sales, because you’re selling an image of yourself, a mirage, and you are the product."

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love."

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!"

"You don’t need batteries for an introduction. Buy my Networking in a Box today and see for yourself. (Handshakes sold separately.)"

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"The storm is coming whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether you’re prepared for it or not. Thank God you have a man like me in your life, a man with a variety of umbrellas for sale in an affordable range of prices."

"I wholesale wholesome, and sometimes I even halfsale it. But even when I halfsale, I still charge 100%. That’s the Zeno Discount."

"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."

"Becoming well known (at least among your prospects & connections) is the most valuable element in the connection process."

"Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable."

"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"

"She asked for the time, and I said that information is for sale—by the slice. 60 slices in a whole pie."

"My love burns for you like I’m an arsonist and marshmallows-on-sticks salesman. $2.99 each, or 5 for $10."

"A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors."

"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."

"That point in the sky where yellow meets blue, that’s a handshake I want to see at a #networking event. Sunglasses sold separately."