#sales

"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"That point in the sky where yellow meets blue, that’s a handshake I want to see at a #networking event. Sunglasses sold separately."

"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."

"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"

"I should open up a dry cleaners/pizza parlor. Extra Stain Sauce will be free, but removing it out of your clothes will cost you."

"I had a dream about you. The seasons changed, but you did not. You were the same old person you always were, only older. And I was the same old person I always was, only younger. Yes, I’d discovered the Fountain of Youth, and since we were such old friends, I was going to let you have a swig for 10% off the suggested retail price."

"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."

"You don’t need batteries for an introduction. Buy my Networking in a Box today and see for yourself. (Handshakes sold separately.)"

"Take some cues from some Q’s. Quality and quantity lead to queues."

"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"

"I sell soap. Buy two bars and get a FREE shower. (Water not included.) Act within the next 15 minutes and I’ll even throw in the towel. I quit!"

"If you see me pushing a wheelbarrow full of animal balloons up a hill, it may be a Zen koan, or it may be buy two get a third for FREE."

"I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. Powdered love poetry sold separately."

"I’d rather sell one thing for one million dollars, than sell one million things for one dollar each. I feel the same about my love and women."

"Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable."

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."