"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."
"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."
"When I go off the grid, my main source of light will be fireflies. Oh, and the glow that will come from the epic love poem I am writing for you."
"If what you wear says more about who you are then what you say when you speak, then my advice is to keep quiet and wear loud clothing."
"My couch is coffee-colored. I can thank Starbucks and clumsiness for that."
"App idea: in real time track trends as swarms of keywords form, and use this data to invest in the next unicorn #startup.You'll be able to ride that #startup unicorn like you are Billy the Kid, as you watch your profits shoot up."