#Dad

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

"My dad's sense of humor was direct and sometimes surreal - his quick wit is well known amongst our family and friends. He raised me on Spike Jones records and W.C. Fields movies, and his sense of humor fell somewhere in between."

"My dad has a dry, deadpan sense of humor, and my mom has an unexpected, wacky take on things. They really encouraged laughing at ourselves and the weirdness of situations that come up growing up in politics."

"Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?"

"I know that I will never find my father in any other man who comes into my life, because it is a void in my life that can only be filled by him."

"It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life."

"My dad is so unique in what he does. It's not like I'm taking a torch from him and doing his thing. I hope I've carried from him a little bit of a sense of irony, a little bit of a wink."

"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."

"We fell in love like two medium pizzas in one large stomach. I wish dad would have saved a few slices for us."

"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."

"My daughter doesn't even get my humor. She's like, 'Um, no. I don't get it, Dad. Mmm, no, not that one, Dad.'"

"My dad instilled in me a great sense of humor. I wasn't bullied at school because my outward attitude was confident, and that helps."

"When my dad founded our church, he used either a globe or a map of the world behind him. It was symbolic of what Christ said: to go forth and preach hope to the world. We believe in the cross, but we just continued with the globe."

"My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in."

"Every parent is at some time the father of the unreturned prodigal, with nothing to do but keep his house open to hope."

"I hope I am remembered by my children as a good father."

"I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’s not my dad at all, that’s just some stranger hanging around in my memory."

"Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom"or "Dad."It was "No."

"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement."

"My mum and dad had worked incredibly hard to afford me an education."