More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want

"I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half."
"I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables."
"I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras,"which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment."
"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."
"I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs."