I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine tha... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"The storm is coming whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether you’re prepared for it or not. Thank God you have a man like me in your life, a man with a variety of umbrellas for sale in an affordable range of prices."

"I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it."

"I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness."

"I’m late to dinner, but I’m early to being in love. I’m such a gentleman that I hold every door open—even if the guy sitting in the bathroom stall is protesting."

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."