More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."