More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."
"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."
"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"