I was so depressed I thought about committing TV. I mean sui... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I bleed ink for her, because her name is written on my heart. She’s the author of all the love I have to give."

"I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your astronaut’s helmet."

"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."

"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."

"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."