More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I could scarf down a scarf faster than I could eat any other throat warmer, with the possible exception of your clenched hands around my neck."
"It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time."
"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."
"My heart is spinning. Love is a tornado. Will you be my Kansas?"
"Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom"or "Dad."It was "No."