#sleeping

"I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear."

"I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy."

"There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking"

"When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead."

"Sleep is the breakfast of champions. This morning I had two big bowls full, each two hours deep."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald."

"I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were in the amazon rain forest yipping like a dog."

"I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up."

"I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple"

"I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs."

"I had a dream about you last night... you were there."

"I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness."

"I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream."

"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."

"If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning."

"A few nights later, I secretly hope that I might be a genius. Why else can no amount of sleeping pills fell my brain? But in the morning my daughter asks me what a cloud is and I cannot say."

"I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires."