#sleeping

"Every night I sleep like a log. In a lit fireplace. If you bring the marshmallows, I’ll bring the burning desire for you."

"A starving man asleep dreams of food, and even a crumb becomes a feast. When you’re hungry for affection even a no is better than being ignored."

"Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming."

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"A tornado is the ultimate coffee grinder. Just add water, and you’ll wake the whole trailer park."

"I had a dream about you last night... Well I say dream I mean nightmare... you were a Yankee fan."

"I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers."

"I had a dream about you last night... You turned red, then green, and then blue. You told me you were trying to fit in with the m&m's."

"I just sprayed cologne on my hand and then pet the back of my cat's head while he slept, and he woke up so confused, trying to sniff behind his neck and all around wondering what sweet attack he was under."

"A few nights later, I secretly hope that I might be a genius. Why else can no amount of sleeping pills fell my brain? But in the morning my daughter asks me what a cloud is and I cannot say."

"I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires."

"I match my pajamas to my comforter so I can disappear into sleep. I’m camouflaged into noonexistence, where I don’t wake up until 12:00 PM."

"If you need me I’ll be napping in the supplies closet. The most important part of an attack is the planning."

"I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream."

"There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking"

"She was a tall drink of water from Tallahassee, and I was an instant-coffee kind of lover. I got her so hot that neither one of could go to sleep until the ambulance finally came to a complete stop."

"I had a dream about you last night... you kept meowing at people and licking yourself it was not unlike you normally."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn."

"I had a dream about you. You were an escalator, and I was a flight of stairs. You thought I was a Luddite, and I thought I was as ostrich, because I hadn’t figured out how to put the fly in flight. One day you broke down, and then you saw that you and I weren’t so different after all."

"I had a dream about you last night... you were there."