I’m so sunburned I’m embarrassed, but you can’t tell I’m blu... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk."

"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."

"If you fear rejection, you won’t embrace acceptance. But don’t push yourself onto others, because they won’t pull you close."

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."