"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."