Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought h... - Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."

"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."