Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought h... - Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"If flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."