"My acquaintances aren’t worth the aqua I drink after they leave me thirsting for something more meaningful. I don’t want refillable relationships—I want connections so deep they are black abysses."
"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."
"The wealthier I get, the more money I will have to not have, because my goal in getting is giving, and nothing is better than charity."
"I wear a ten-gallon cowboy hat. That’s where I keep my fish tank. When you’re a farmer of love, you’ve always got pink kissers on your mind."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"