I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to dri... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."

"I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift."

"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."