"My ex-girlfriend was exquisite, while my current girlfriend is merely quisite. The ex always makes the past seem more excellent than the present."
"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."
"The referees made a questionable call. Still, I was ready with an answer and picked up on the first ring. That ring was an engagement ring, and I said yes."
"I arose like a rose, and this is how I knew I was in love. In the garden of life, I’m better off in your neighbor’s yard."
"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."
"Be memorable. Say something unforgettable. Be silent."