#master-key

"Campbell's Soup: M'm! M'm! Good!... ...even though our products have more sodium than the Dead Sea."

"Using the Backdoor If we compare writing computer code to sex,then hacking would be anal sex."

"Lost Love [10w] + {Couplet} Lost love's the season of mists,Though they are gone, memory persists."

"Gained in Translation [10w] In timeless truths there's more gained than lost in translation."

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"Jesus [10w] "Sorry to keep you hanging,but it's just our nature."

"Fashion [10w] Clothes makes the man.Fashion, above all, makes the President."

"Telekinetic Poker Players Telekinetic poker players have a tell when they're bluffing:they always raise you."

"Love's Reward [10w] + {Couplet} Love repaid is love's reward;recompense fair towards being adored."

"Mercy vs. Revenge "May God have mercy on my unfaithful, back-stabbing, adulterous husband because I sure as hell won't."

"Misfortune Misfortune is but a stepping stone to great fortune ~especially if your slip and fall was possibly caused by negligenceand you get yourself a good Jew lawyer to sue the parties responsible."

"Say No to Drugs Commercials The image of an egg sizzling in a frying pan is not your brain on drugs.It's just a fucking omelet."

"Fig The proud oak wed a seedling figHe welcomed her caressThough round his lofty limbs she woundHe saw no need for distress.The fig enveloped all his trunkHer grip grew firm and tightThe oak withered in his arroganceAs she choked off his last light."

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. [10w] + {Couplet} Network TV's insistent stupidity to the Outer Limits pushes me."

"Buddha (Haiku) Buddha, Enlightened,I rub your belly to blessmy Lotto ticket."

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."

"Endless Childhood [10w] + {Couplet} Put off summer's endAnd adulthood's vexingburdens shall suspend."

"Do Me No Favors Haiku 'Do me no favors ~I can take care of myself.So, pay the check and drive me home."

"Today I Learned: Delete Today I learnedwhen you delete stuff on your computerit still resides on your hard drive.It's sort of like getting divorcedbut that bitch still lives in your house."