#master-key

"The Bard's Haikus about Haiku Listen to Shakespeare,'Iambic pentameterand haiku don't mix.'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise mannever writes haiku.If you tickle usdon't we laugh? If you wrong usshall we not haiku?The good men dolives after them; the evil'sinterred with haikus.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some scribblesome shitty haikus."

"Pitter Patter I love to hear the pitter patter of little feet ~as they unsuccessfully struggle to break free of my choke hold."

"Family {Couplet} For my misery, family brings relief,tripling my joy, halving my grief.This aesthetic arithmetic's quite poetic,an accounting surmounting odds unsympathetic.Now there seems no hardship I cannot withstand,accompanied by my exponential, familial band."

"Dysfunctional vs. You're One Fucked Up Bitch [10w] "Causing pain's the only way you know how to love."

"Dictator [10w] Clever dictators keep their friends closeand their enemies dead."

"Ringtones Haiku 'Oy! Dai, da-ye-nu,Dai, da-ye-nu, Dai, da-ye-nu...'"Answer your fucking phone!"

"Animal Species Identity [10w] Funny how animals know their own species without a mirror."

"Wrong Number [10w] There is no such thing as dialing a wrong number."

"What Teenage Boys Do On Their Computer All Day [10w] ctrl alt delete ex-girlfriendcut paste Penelope Cruzpost Facebook"

"Lady Clowns [10w] Lady clowns drip menstrual blood in seven luscious rainbow colors."

"The Fate of Prodigies [10w] Early to peak, early to deal with obsolescence and obscurity."

"Enemies of My Enemies Who knew the enemies of my enemies were good dancers."

"What lies beneath the Semblance? What lies beneath the semblance.What lies beneath the semblance of lies.What lies beneath the semblance of lies!Lies lie beneath her semblance.Lies lie beneath her semblance.Lies, lies and more lies!"

"Busch Beer: Head for the mountains... [10w] ...and fall off the precipice shitfaced."

"Mythbusters [10w] Snipers will assure you safety in numbers is a myth."

"Catalyst [10w] You're not lying if your lie helps engender the truth."

"Cancer [10w] It's odd that the cancer that kills you is you."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Credo of a Substitute Teacher I'm a 'sugar free' substitute teacher.I speak frankly and never gave any of my studentsa single word of encouragement.Why should I? Even after 10 years the school hasn't given me a pension, health insurance or paid sick leave.So fuck 'em.Fuck 'em all."

"Lost vs. Lost We get lost twice in life.The first stems from uncertainty,when we try to find what our dreams truly are.The more profound feeling of being lost is existential, and comes unforeseen, after we finally fulfill our dreams.To survive the latter, we must create an entirely new set of dreams."