#Master

"BFF, My Ass ~ It's a Jungle Out There! About one-third of all marriages are procured by sabotaging your best friend's happiness."

"Thorn [5w] Every thorn has its rose."

"New Year's Resolutions New Year's resolutions shouldn't be about doing new things;it should be about stopping to do the shitty things you're already doing."

"The State of the World Attests to This: [10w] Common people are too easily manipulated or stupid to vote."

"Beating the Language Like a Tom-Tom with a Mohawk "Actually, you will receive a free pre-owned gift with every purchase,irregardless of the awesome enormity of your stupidity."

"Lowbrows vs. Highbrows If you show something lowbrow to a highbrow does it wind up becoming crusty eye caca?"

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Hook 'em I know how to leave them satisfied and hungry for more ~with a carefully administered shot of insulin."

"Eyes of Heaven To see through the eyes of heavenis to look upon your fellow manand only see the good in him."

"Indiscernible Love [10w] True love's so effortless, others can hardly see it's happening."

"Too Beautiful for Words [10w] + [10w] When nature presents us with miracles too beautiful for words,it is either a mountain, a beach, or a baby."

"If I Were God [10w] If I were God I'd sell my shit on Ebay."

"No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51."

"Boundaries [10w] Receiving bribes blurs the clear boundaries between friends and enemies."

"Out to Lunch [10w] Behind closed doors, there's nothing we rightfully can call crazy."

"Time is Not a Constant [10w] Time speeds up, crawls, compresses and expands depending on mood."

"Ars Poetica: Dovetailing Collage [10w] Poems should be a dovetailing collage not a linear cohesion."

"Whisper into My Good Ear [10w] "Pour your fears, fantasies, desires into my ear of corn."

"Meek [10w] Blessed are the meek, for they've learned how to duck."

"Miracle [10w] The greatest unacknowledged miracle is man has lasted this long."