#positive-quotes

"Love [10w] Love is a time machineset to your perfect present"

"Committees [10w] A committee sits in a rectangle and talks in circles."

"The 3 Most Powerful Words in the English Language for Every College Student [3w] Ilovepizza"

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."

"Hate Recycle Bin When you empty your hate recycle binit frees up more memory to write even better poetry.Just try it and tell me this isn't true!"

"Death & Poetry Nothing softens the blow of death like a cushy poem to fall upon."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"Time [10w] {Couplet} Can there be more callous crimethan unkindly killing time?"

"Perdue: It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken... ...it's all about steroids and crowd management."

"Money Can't Buy Everything [10w] Money can't buy everything ~ but love is certainly no exception."

"Original Thoughts [10w] Original thoughts are not diminished by days, distance or disregard."

"Mind Maneuvers When we hear something unflattering,our mind doesn't fully process it.When we hear a compliment,the mind goes into overdriveand tend to read too much into it."

"Spontaneous Gift Giving [10w] Learn to give gifts spontaneously accompanied by a love note."

"Why We Need Smart People [10w] We need smart people to call other smart people morons."

"Death Has Bad Timing Death has bad timingbecause rigor mortis sets into your penisjust when you don't fucking need it."

"Tapestry [10w] Life's a tapestry of mystery and miracles quilted by God."

"Goose Neck [10w] Whenever a goose has a car accident, the traffic sucks."

"Please Don't Commemorate Me Just Yet [10w] The living are only commemorated when they're at death's door."

"The ‘New House, New Luck’ Fallacy [10w] Switching external environment doesn't cure depression;change must occur internally."

"Damn You, TripAdvisor! My penis deserves to be a World Heritage Site,judging by the number of tourists trampling on my balls."