#positive-thinking

"Appreciate every little beautiful moment in every day of your life. Give it a try and you'll see the world from another perspective."

"Stumble When you don't know how to end a sentence you've stumbled upon a truth."

"Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best... ...artery clogger since Burger King’s Triple Whopper with Cheese."

"Rewrite☷Rewrite [10w] Happiness writes new memories;New losses rewrite over old ones."

"American Foreign Policy [10w] Foreign Policy requires dealing from the bottom of the deck."

"Socrates [10w] "I know less than you.That's how smart I am!"

"Avery If a boy named Avery marries a girl named Avery,will they name or just label their children?"

"Excuse The bureaucrat's excuse, 'If I have to make an exception for you,I have to make an exception for everybody else',doesn't apply to me because I exceptional."

"Comedy vs. Satire [10w] Comedy pokes fun at society's self-inflation;satire deflates the balloon."

"New Age Hype Don't 'honor your feelings.'Half the time they're full of shit.Don't 'embrace' anything without a pulse.Mindfulness should include not listening to quacks."

"Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head that they have nothing to say you haven't heard before and it's about time they disbanded until they have something positive to say."

"Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"United Negro College Fund: A mind is a terrible thing to waste... ...and so is your paycheck,so don't waste good money on a lost cause."

"Imitation [10w] Art imitates life.Life imitates art.I just imitate imitation."

"Why Utopias Fail When you tie several horses together and one takes the lead, they all fall."

"Why I Don't Carry a Cellphone [10w] It's a sign of servility you can be contacted anytime."

"Comments Being the first to comment on a poem,is like breaking a bottle of champagneagainst the hull of a new ship."

"Cheeky Poets [10w] Remember 'poetry' lies between 'pitiful' and 'poop' in the dictionary."

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."