#powerful-story

"BFF, My Ass ~ It's a Jungle Out There! About one-third of all marriages are procured by sabotaging your best friend's happiness."

"Rat Trap Haiku 'Hmm, 12 by 13,4 by 9. Oy! You call thisrat trap an apartment?"

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole."

"Nursing Homes [10w] Nursing homes are house haunted by the living and half-dead."

"Grease [10w] Relationships between people are rarely frictionless;they all need grease."

"Love vs. the Three Headed Dragon In relationships, the corrosive venom of the three-headed dragon areindifference, fault-finding and 'take-each-other-for-grantedness'.Only these cantarnish the shining armor of amour."

"River Mountain Ocean [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} Rivers delight in their flow;Mountains savor their snow.But oceans are in concurrencetheir contentment comes from recurrence."

"Crest Toothpaste: Look, Ma, no cavities!... ...that'll really piss off the TSA agents looking for contraband."

"please=""hand=""me=""the=""remote,=""dear."=""[10w]=""The most effective method of birth control is grannie panties."

"Hermits vs. Rising Real Estate Costs [10w] Hermits can no longer afford a cabin in the woods."

"Talking to Myself I used to talk to myself until myself criticized myself.Now I'm giving myself the silent treatment."

"When in Doubt [10w] If your relationship becomes stagnant,set fire to her dress."

"Evil [10w] Believing you're evil sets into motion the wheels of self-destruction."

"Poetry is a Ladder {C☰O☰U☰P☰L☰E☰T} {The poet's job is to create a ladder} {for the reader to enter his imagination}and☰once☰they've☰climbed☰u­p☰to☰the ☰top☰remove☰each☰rung☰by☰grad­ation"

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements."

"Death & Poetry Nothing softens the blow of death like a cushy poem to fall upon."

"Arches National Park, Utah BloodshotZiggurats of rock against unbending sky,sandstone fins and eyes of ancient earth behemoth.Your windows wedged by cosmic hands of rain and melting snow, of frost and ice, of gravity and geologic time, patient and untiring,self-possessed like a child's perception of endless summer."

"Pizza vs. Internet Porn I'm still debating whether pizza or internet porn is the best thing ever invented.I've already jack-off three times while eating a double-cheese pepperoni piemaking my careful deliberations."