#powerful-story

"Witticisms The greatest reward for coming up with some witty turn of phraseis that some day, if you're lucky,it may wind up in a fortune cookieat the very Chinese restaurant you're eating in!But if you get a big head about it,know it wasn't the flattery,it was the MSG."

"You're My Favorite' If you want all your children to know they're your favorite,give them all the same nameand whisper this confession in all their earswith the promise not to telltheir brothers and sisters."

"Self-Help I asked the bookseller,'Do you have any self-help books for addiction?'He said,'If I tell you, I'd be enabling you."

"The Hand that Feeds You Don't bite the hand that feeds you ~unless you're in a haunted houseand the fucking hand isn't attached to anything."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Kansas State Motto Ad astra per aspera. [9]Flat land and flatline intelligence."

"♀ Travelers vs. ♀ Tourists [10w] + [10w] Female travelers wear no makeup, stringy jewelry and Jesus sandals.Female travelers wear overcaked makeup, diamond jewelry and Gucci Booties."

"Say No to Drugs Commercials The image of an egg sizzling in a frying pan is not your brain on drugs.It's just a fucking omelet."

"Life is like a sandwich!Birth as one slice,and death as the other.What you put in-between the slices is up to you.Is your sandwich tasty or sour?Allan Rufus.org"

"Patience [10w] Patience is the most technologically advanced form of energy efficiency."

"New York Haiku "My monthly rent checkis more than you will make inyour fucking lifetime."

"Knowledge vs. Wisdom [10w] + [10w] Knowledge is the understanding that you are what you eat. Wisdom is not eating a pussy with hair on it."

"Comfort Zone Your comfort zone has a clock on it, ticking off until it becomes your death zone."

"Penetration [10w] The difference between truism and an enlightened [10w] is penetration."

"again!"=""Perfect happiness is when your child giggles and yells,"Again!"

"UPS [10w] Women at work judge the UPS man by his package."

"Brownie Mix [10w] + {Couplet} Betwixt hell and the River Styx,I'll be shitting bricks."

"First Day at Harvard [10w] Smartest kid in the roomwalks into room of competitors."

"Self-Sufficiency [10w] When God closes a door,buy a Sawzall from Home Depot."

"Heaven [10w] Heaven’s not a destination ~it’s a way of processing life."