#self-esteem-self-help-book

"God Made God made our beingour parents our bodyphilosophy our mindchildren our compassionhostory our loyaltywork our self-esteembattles our heroismpoetry our soulsoulmates our lovewhich stitches it all togetherinto a life."

"The Bonds That Tie Weak bonding is sharing a common interest;strong bonding is sharing a common enemy."

"Beating the Language Like a Tom-Tom with a Mohawk "Actually, you will receive a free pre-owned gift with every purchase,irregardless of the awesome enormity of your stupidity."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Go with your Gut Our eyes, our mind plays tricks.Our love muscle, our heartchooses blindly and impulsively.But our gut,ahh, our gut,always makes the wise choice ~and goes straight for the burning hot pocketsfresh out of the microwavebecause our mouthsahh, our mouths,never needed a roof in the first place."

"Finding Fault [10w] + {Couplet} We find in others faultWhenever our wounds perceives salt."

"Spreading Yourself Too Thin We tend to bite off more than we can chewbecause we've got big mouths."

"What is God? [17] [10w] God has a fondness for cosmology and carbon-based life forms."

"Rebellious Fish [10w] Sometimes swimming against the current turns you into glazed salmon."

"Argument [10w] Argue for the sake of resolutionnot for arguments sake.."

"Maintaining the Distance between Wealth and Poverty [10w] The nouveau riche are far more ruthlessthan the rich."

"Pacifism There's nothing like seeing action in war to turn a soldier into an instant pacifist or an instant killer."

"New Year's Resolutions New Year's resolutions shouldn't be about doing new things;it should be about stopping to do the shitty things you're already doing."

"Spirituality and Aging Spirituality comes naturally to the old because they're running out of options."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains."

"Broken Heart [10W] The broken heart becomes volcanic, forever rumbling anddispersing ash."

"please=""hand=""me=""the=""remote,=""dear."=""[10w]=""The most effective method of birth control is grannie panties."

"Leaps of Faith [10w] Like religion, leaps of faith are behind all idealistic movements."

"Kaddish Kaddish for Mrs. Ginsbergis not Kaddish,For your mom raised a Buddhistand mine raised a Jew.You'll zazen for your loss,I'll daven for mine.I do not belittle your loss,your grief is no less than mine.But by abandoning your tribe, אלון,Who now will say Kaddish for you?"