#self-esteem-self-help-book

"Origami Master If you're the greatest origami master in the worldmaybe I can find you a job folding napkins at a restaurant.I'm not making any promises."

"Brewing Poetry Comma sips between the lines,insights percolate into a 10w,a latte sonnet here, a cappuccino couplet there.A few smartass epiphanies,and something new in every brew.One final fix,voilà, the poem is fixed!I adore this caffeine,that alchemises the extraordinary into the routine,and vice versa with the unforseen.It turns blue aquamarine,and words into Mexican jumping beans."

"Shadows are only Neutral at Noon [10w] + {Couplet} Whose side shadows fall upon,tis' ordained by reigning sun."

"Let's Celebrate! Photoshop Turns 25 This Week [10w] I bought a fake passport on Fiverr.Don't tell Mexico."

"Fighting For Your Life [10w] 'Everything will be alright,'doesn't mean we stop the fight."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Irish-Gaelic Wife-Fooking Proverb The truth can't be concealedI fooked your Caitlin from behind,because you can never plow a field by just turning it over in your mind.By the way, Caitlin's last words, before sucking me cock, were"Me husband's balls smells like ballyblue cheese, ahhhhhh, Éirinn go Brách!"

"Time Time waits for no man ~but for hot women Time makes exceptions."

"Meaning of Life {Couplet} Life's but the love and laughter we've amassed,the friendships forged that shall outlastpossessions, station and renown,the make-up palette of a clown."

"Talented [10w] Being called talented brings with it more hatred than applause."

"Love is a Gamble [10w] Love's a gamble ~ better lose than never spin the wheel."

"Atheism [10w] Atheism is the tragic triumph of cold contemptuousness over gratitude."

"Voodoo I'm phobic about pins and needles.Can I just stick a voodoo doll in the microwave?"

"Love Fades [10w] Like our love,Chinese painters show distance in faded grays."

"My Secret for Out-of-the-Box-Thinking To help me writein my signature out-of-the-box style,I sit in front of my humidifier that I've filled up with Grey Goose vodka.My humidifier is now at Underwriters Laboratoriesin a 12-Step Programand buddied up with a de-humidifier."

"Break All the Rules of Poetry Place no limits on your poetry.Live a little.Break all the fucking rules!If it comes deep from the wellsprings of your imagination,the woolgathering of dreamers ~it is poetry ~no matter what anyone says."

"Learning from Experience Learning from experience means, 'Boy, did I just fuck up!"

"Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative."

"The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink."

"Obscure Poetry Obscurity does not make a poem better or deeper.It simply makes it obscure."