#self-improvement-book

"Gays & Lesbians Birds of a feather fuck together."

"Senility [10w] Senility's like a bottle of Coke that lost its bubbles."

"Rainbows and Gratuitous Violence Whenever I see a rainbow, I want to punch a penguin in the face."

"A Moment Before Impact [10w] The deer's eyes were moonstones, reflecting back my car's headlights."

"Family [10w] Family is a truth pill ~ just beware of an overdose."

"Men Be Forewarned! [20w] A man caught in the embrace of the wrong womanis like having his penis caught in a bear trap."

"Rules of Etiquette [10w] Rules of etiquette are pretend manners for the lower classes."

"Consolation [10w] Man finds consolation in love, laughter and Ben & Jerry's."

"Till Death Do You Part [10w] Marriage will indeed change people ~for better or for worse."

"Poets Be Realists! Poets be realists!It's O.K. to keep your jobs ~just don't quit your day dreams."

"Heart My heart jumps every time you walk through the door.It's not love.I have an arrhythmia."

"Flattery [10w] Flattery is the only passport that will get you everywhere"

"Coffee Wisdom New Yawk [6] You either pay me the five large nowor yoos can choosebetween the toilet plungeror the hot coffee enemaya fuckin jamook."

"Good vs. Great [10w] To be good twice is a true mark of greatness."

"Hemidemisemiquaver [10w] The composer evened the score by ending in a hemidemisemiquaver."

"Embalming [10w] Injecting baking soda whitens, freshens, and softens the dearly departed."

"Minimum Wage [10w] Even trained bears couldn't bear working for bare minimum wage."

"The Wonderful Wonder Between the 'Onenesses' [10w] + [10w] + [10w] + [10w] If you can imagine time running backwards, death becomes birth;The moment before conception, becomes our oneness with the universe.Therefore, we shouldn't fear death because oneness returns to oneness;The wonder that happens between these onenesses is God's gift."

"What is Love? [10w] Love is the stubborn desire to find permanencein impermanence."

"Reflection Upon Reflection [10w] Don't look into a mirror in rooms full of mirrors."