#teachings

"Hungry When you're hungry everything tastes good.Note to myself: Don't get married when you're hungry."

"Carrots and Creativity [10w] Put a carrot in front of you for optimal creativity."

"Thai-kus From the dark starfishof the 300 Baht whoremy white sperm bubbles.Reclining BuddhaBirds nest in your golden ears.What wisdom they hear."

"When in Doubt [10w] If your relationship becomes stagnant,set fire to her dress."

"Styx Haiku Boatman refusesto paddle me down the Styx.'No carry-on baggage."

"In the Porn Industry [10w] Lacking a college-diploma's more than compensated by a humongous penis."

"No Planning for Death [10w] People put more planning into a weekend vacation than death."

"Doublemint Gum: Double your pleasure. Double your fun... ...we're talking ménage à trois, you son of a gun."

"Dating Asian Her Kung Fu style was not too bad,but at doggie style she had me had."

"A Good Krill When there's a ocean to sieve through,there's no good or bad krill.There's only your mouth and hunger ~like Vladimir Putin."

"Avery If a boy named Avery marries a girl named Avery,will they name or just label their children?"

"Dysfunctional Love We split up not because he or she didn't love us,but because they did love us in the only way they knew how."

"Virtual Friends [10w] Internet camaraderie's bullshit because these 'friends' can't be relied upon."

"War [10w] Fight wars not to win, but so our enemies don't."

"The Delinquent Girl Chronicles Ages 7-11: Skip ropeAges 12-16: Skip classAge 17: Skip periodAge 18: Skip coming homeAge 19: Skip town"

"Who Am I "I don't know who I am whenI'm not the person who loves you."

"Misfortune Misfortune is but a stepping stone to great fortune ~especially if your slip and fall was possibly caused by negligenceand you get yourself a good Jew lawyer to sue the parties responsible."

"Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room."

"Suicide Note [10w] "Don't ask why I committed suicide.Question why everybody doesn’t."

"The Bard's Haikus about Haiku Listen to Shakespeare,'Iambic pentameterand haiku don't mix.'A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise mannever writes haiku.If you tickle usdon't we laugh? If you wrong usshall we not haiku?The good men dolives after them; the evil'sinterred with haikus.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some scribblesome shitty haikus."